Good News!!!

This just in: Lil John has just announced that instead of having off on July 3rd and 4th, we'll work on July 3rd and have off on the 4th, 5th and 6th. Well will return to work on July 9th. Oh Joy!!!! Now I don't have to use my vacation days. Not that I have anything planned, I'm just excited about being off and wanted to share this tid bit. Anyway nothing is going on around here today. Everyone is just waiting for 1 p,m as usual. This is our Friday routine. Come in at 9 and look busy until around 12:30. No one can compose themselves past that time. Then its like 5th grade when you're sitting at your desk with your hands folded, sitting up nice and straight with all your stuff packed up waiting for the dismissal bell or for your teacher to call the quietest person to line up. This is torture. Its only 10:20.

Good News!!!

Is This Bitch Serious?

THIS BITCH IS ON MY FUCKIN NERVES TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have never met a lazier bitch in my life. Always passing the buck. Its like, "Bitch, you're the supervisor. Stop passing work off." I just think she's trying to get under my skin today and she's doing a good job. I can't even put in to words how bad she has pissed me off today. If I didn't need my job, I'd probably be catching a case today. Anyway, this greedy ass on a work diet ass bitch was in the kitchen during our lunch break trying to engage me in conversation because she knows I'm not fucking with her today. She knows when she has gotten on my bad side but continues to talk to me. I just look at her like she's stupid. Anyway, James our volunteer had Butterfingers and Twix in his lunch bag. He passed one out to me and 2 of my other co-workers. THis bitch was like,"When you offer something to one person in the room, you should offer to everyone." I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON A DIET BITCH. We all gave her that look. She was like, "I can have one little piece of candy." THAT'S WHY YA BIG ASS AIN'T LOSIN NO WEIGHT BITCH. I'm sure she went in her office and added that Twix to the collection of shit she has hidden in her stash that she's not supposed to be eating.

Somebody's Messin With My Mac

I came in this morning and my computer was on. WHAT??????? I know for sure I turned it off last night before I left. Why is my computer on? Of course it was opened to the password screen but it could have easily been restarted. Was Matt messin with my mac? Matt is the IT specialist and he is always doing something. I even had difficulty accessing my blog. What's up with that? What do you think??????

Caught With Your Hand in the Cookie Jar

Today I literally caught Lori with her hand in the cookie jar, or bag I shoud say. Monthly, we have a luncheon for our clients where we provide food and education. Today we had pizza and tossed salad. For dessert, there were chocolate chip cookies and brownies. This morning, I was instructedby the food police to use the brownies first and only open the cookies if necessary. The clients didn't want the brownies, the wanted the soft and chewy chocolate chip cookies with the little elves working so hard on the package. It was for them so I opened them instead of the brownies. I later opened the brownies too. When everything was said and done there were cookies and brownies left over. Lori is in charge of ALL LEFTOVERS. When everyone left the kitchen, or so she thought, she commenced to fucking those cookies up. She got too comfortable. She had one cookie in her mouth and her other hand on the bag ready to dig in and shove as many in her mouth as she could before anyone could see. Then I appeared and she looked like the puddy tat reaching for Tweety in the cage as Grandma walked in. YOU'RE BUSTED BITCH!!!!!!!!! YOUR COVER IS BLOWN. Her eyes almost bugged out of her head. Then she says innocently, "These cookies are really good." I say, "I'm sure they are but I'm trying to cut down on sweets." She goes, "Yeah, I don't eat sweets that often either." This coming from the bitch that put up 12 chocolate chip muffins from our last staff meeting. I have yet to see them motherfucker resurface either. That only means she took them home to eat while she works out on her new Gazelle. I'm sure her excercise equipment has all types of crumbs and shit under it, on it, in the motor etc. The buttons are probably all sticky from syrup and ice cream and shit. FACE IT BITCH, IF YOU'RE GOING TO DIET YOU MUST DO IT ALWAYS AND NOT JUST AT WORK. She eats salads for lunch but eats in her office where no one can see all the other shit she sneaks in while "Eating lunch."

Can We Say Tension?

I know I said I would return on Monday but this couldn't wait. My lunch didn't start with everyone else's because I had to run an errand for my girlfriend when I got off. We started out waiting at the Exchange to be seated but when it took so long, I decided to run my errand and come right back. Needless to say, by the time I got back, everyone had been seated, had their drinks and were partially done their meals. I didn't know running home was going to take so long. What I did know was if I had of parked in the garage and walked back to the Exchange, I would have missed everything. I was lucky enough to find a parking space right outside the resturant. That is almost impossible during the day in downtown Wilmington. I knew by the time I came back, Brian would be mad at me because he was only going because I was going. Anyway, since everyone was almost finished their meals when I returned, I only ordered a drink and dessert. The tension was so obvious when I walked in. It was like Brian smelled me when I came back. They were sitting in the back of the resturant and Brian was facing the wall, back to the door. When I came in, I looked around to see if I saw anyone before I pulled out my phone to call. Brian's dog nose sensed I was there and turned around immediately to summon me to the table. I have to say that the tension was apparent upon arrival. Like I said we waited so long to be seated so we sat in the lounge area initially. There was seating for 5 and we were 6 deep. (Me, Darcy, Kathy (AKA Linda Chandler AKA Karen the fag hag), Brian, Lil John and Ebbie) I didn't even know Ebbie was coming, I should have though. Ebbie needs his own post. If I began to get in to him, we'd be here all day but, long story short Ebbie just started 2 months ago and he works in development. He is super-gay. I mean he should have a fuckin cape on with tights and thigh high boots. He is in to Broadway and refers to himself as a "Stage door Whore" He waits outside for the show to end so he can get autographs from the cast. The thing that erks me the most is that whenever he sees me, it instantly becomes "Charmaine: The Musical." Why do you have to sing my fuckin name? Every time you see me? Anyway, like I said, he needs his own post. Stay tuned. So when I get to the table, you can cut the tension with an axe. Brian was at one end and John was at the other. Opposite sides. Ebbie sat in the middle across from Kathy and Darcy sat next to Kathy across from John. There was one empty seat for me, next to Ebbie and across from Brian. Brian and John were both sitting at their ends, beet red and shaking thier legs uncontrollably. Brian and John had ordered the same thing. I'm sure they were pissed about that. The was a crab dip appetizer and nachos. I just munched on those while I waited for my drink and my cheesecake. Everyone's plan was to get drunk and have a good time but the tension made it impossible. Brian eased up once I got there but you could still tell he was unhappy. He only went because he and Kathy are friends. Everyone is friends with John and Brian but they make if difficult to be around the two of them together. Anyway, everyone was laughing and talking except John and Brian. John would laugh at his jokes and Brian would laugh at his but neither one of them laughed at each other's. They are so petty. There were many moments of uncomfortable silence and I think everyone felt uncomfortable around them. Kathy continued to talk and crack jokes but it was weird. Anyway, when the check came, everyone reached in there pockets and pulled out twenties. Some needed more than $20. The place was nice but expensive and I thought they said they had Happy Hour prices. My drink and cheesecake came to $15.00 so I put in twenty. Brian put in $20 but obviously needed to run to the ATM for the rest. John gathered all the money and paid the waitress. When Brian came back he put up $20 more dollars. John gave him $10 back. He said, " I don't need it. Put it toward the tip." We all said, "Brian its taken care of." But he insisted that he was going to leave the $10. So I said, "Shit, give it to me then." We all laughed but Brian still didn't want to take it back. Then John said in his naggy voice, "Brian you've already paid enough." I thought the arguement was going to start there, but it didn't. Brian just put his money away. It was time to go then and everyone knew it. I felt bad for Brian because John was always so Bossy when they were together and he is still bossing him around. Brian just retreated to his shell as usual. Brian has so much backbone when he is not around John. I never want to go out with the two of them again.

Nothing much

Ain't nothin goin on around here because of the threat at the staff meeting yesterday. Lil John made a comment at the meeting yesterday that "Things are going well with the early Fridays but he has noticed that some people are not working and if it continues, we will have to go back to full days." Whatever Nigga!!!! All that means is stay in your office on Fridays. For the last few weeks, everyone has been just hanging out in one office. Mine. Makin me look bad. But you know me, I'm always sitting at my desk in front of my computer typing away. To the people on the other side of the desk I appear to be working dilligently but if the people in the offices across the street could see what I was doing, I would be busted. They would know that I am rarely ever doing work. Well, not work for my job. I'm usually working on reading other people's blogs or creating my own. I have really gotten in to this. Thanks Lucky Mommy, this was a very good idea. I spend so much time reading blogs that I sometimes forget what I'm really supposed to be doing here. Its like I come to work for the internet, especially since my home computer is down again. That fucker got a virus and if its anything like the virus the people I work with have, its over. My girl's cousin "The computer Tech" is supposed to come over tomorrow to fix it. Ever notice how anyone that knows a little bit about computers call themselves a "Computer Tech"? Whatever Nigga!!! Just fix my shit. Anyway everyone is in their offices waiting for 1 pm so we can go and celebrate "Linda Chandler's" birthday. There's this new place not too far from here with happy hour drink prices at lunch on Friday. How cool is that? I'm going because Brian doesn't want to go alone. He just doesn't want to be around Lil John. Lil John is our Deputy Director and Brian's ex-boyfriend. They broke up because Lil John read Brian's email and Brian was talking about him like a dog to his friend. His exact words were, "He acts like a little kid and he can't fuck." Feelings were obviously hurt but the truth hurts is how I see it. Anyway they always try to avoid each other in the office and Brian is hurt over their break up. He meant what he said, he just didn't want to break up with him I guess. But don't you think they should have if Brian felt like he couldn't fuck? Why be with someone if you're not getting what you want? Well these 2 dudes had just bought a house together, Brian bought John a truck and some other stuff. All bets are off. John kept the house and the car because they are both in his name. They were all lucky in love at Christmas and by Martin Luther King Day, they were over. Poor things. On Monday, I'll probably have some juicy tales or at least I hope. These fags are always a riot and Linda Chandler is a bigger fag hag than the chick on Will and GRace. She's also the Whitest BLACK girl ever. Mr. Wonderful's sister. Oh yeah Big John is the Director, Lil John is the deputy. Big John wants Lil John to be just like him. Lil John is like 25, get paid to be a director and chats on line all day with hot guys from all over. I wish I had his job. Well I'm online all day already so I just wish I had his pay.

Ever Been Corrected By Someone Who Can't Speak English?

Well I have and am constantly by a mutherfucker who speaks English as a second language. Our assistant supervisor Jose (You already know where I'm going with this) constantly tries to correct people's grammer and writing style and can't speak a fucking lick of English. He's from Columbia, how you gon' fuckin correct anybody when you don't even know when to use he or him. And you always mix up he and she. He is always she. And you wanna correct me? Yeah fuckin right. Yesterday we had a case management meeting and we were talking about a issue with our housing program. The program has lost over $180,000.00 in funding for this year. The budget WAS $250,000.00.
So the problem is we need to help our client's find other affordable housing opportunities and QUICK. So I composed a letter and mailed it to everyone I have in the program. (I'm trying to be proactive so they won't be in the street.) The program on the other hand has not informed these client's that they will soon lose their precious housing subsidy. Anyway, I thought the letter I composed was great and very imformative. So did everyone else. So much so that they all asked if they could use my letter as a template. Jose, out of all people started marking my letter up talking about it was unclear. Of course its unclear for someone who can't speak or write English. He obviously can't read it either. So I said, "I see you're making changes to my letter, make sure you put those changes in your letter because mine is fine." I went on to say, "You're always tring to correct somebody and can't speak or write a lick of English. You sure got some nerve." Everyone in the meeting fell out laughing because they know its true. I said, "The next time you send an email, I'm going to edit it and send it back to you so you can see how much you need to be corrected." Motherfucker!!!!!

Ever Been Corrected By Someone Who Can

Still here huh????? Cont'd

What was so funny about the last post that I forgot to mention is our director always gives everyone the T.V interview answer. Any time you ask him anything related to him personally, he gives this generic ass answer. For example, both his parents are old and sick, he had them staying at his house with him for some time. When you ask about his parents, he'll say, "Oh they're doing fine." Real short and to the point. But let Jane, our office manager ask him and he'll give her the real deal. He'll give her their diagnosis, treatment and prognosis. So for him to give me an explanation of why he was still in the office, I knew he had to feel stupid

Still here huh?????

Remember my sneaky ass executive director? This is another one of his sneaky instances. He plays himself every time when it comes to me. Last night I was in the office late as I am every Thursday night waiting for my girlfriend to get off of work. The executive director was still in the office which is unusual for him. He obviously didn't know I was still here and he looked very shocked to see me at my desk typing away. He stopped in front of my door and gave me the "What the fuck are you still doing here?" look. But his mouth said, "Oh still here huh?" But still looking like, "What the fuck are you doing here?" I say, "Yeah I'm here waiting for Meka to get off work at 7 so I figured I'd get a head start on tomorrow and do some work." Just what he wanted to hear. The look on his face changed instantly and then since he felt stupid, he felt the need to tell me why he was still here. I just laughed.