Caught With Your Hand in the Cookie Jar

Today I literally caught Lori with her hand in the cookie jar, or bag I shoud say. Monthly, we have a luncheon for our clients where we provide food and education. Today we had pizza and tossed salad. For dessert, there were chocolate chip cookies and brownies. This morning, I was instructedby the food police to use the brownies first and only open the cookies if necessary. The clients didn't want the brownies, the wanted the soft and chewy chocolate chip cookies with the little elves working so hard on the package. It was for them so I opened them instead of the brownies. I later opened the brownies too. When everything was said and done there were cookies and brownies left over. Lori is in charge of ALL LEFTOVERS. When everyone left the kitchen, or so she thought, she commenced to fucking those cookies up. She got too comfortable. She had one cookie in her mouth and her other hand on the bag ready to dig in and shove as many in her mouth as she could before anyone could see. Then I appeared and she looked like the puddy tat reaching for Tweety in the cage as Grandma walked in. YOU'RE BUSTED BITCH!!!!!!!!! YOUR COVER IS BLOWN. Her eyes almost bugged out of her head. Then she says innocently, "These cookies are really good." I say, "I'm sure they are but I'm trying to cut down on sweets." She goes, "Yeah, I don't eat sweets that often either." This coming from the bitch that put up 12 chocolate chip muffins from our last staff meeting. I have yet to see them motherfucker resurface either. That only means she took them home to eat while she works out on her new Gazelle. I'm sure her excercise equipment has all types of crumbs and shit under it, on it, in the motor etc. The buttons are probably all sticky from syrup and ice cream and shit. FACE IT BITCH, IF YOU'RE GOING TO DIET YOU MUST DO IT ALWAYS AND NOT JUST AT WORK. She eats salads for lunch but eats in her office where no one can see all the other shit she sneaks in while "Eating lunch."